Tired and drained.. thats what im feeling. I figured that the working and studying combination is not for me. Though ive tried to be more focused and study regularly for a bit after work, my lethargy seems to get the better of me each time. I'll just be too tired to stay attentive after a long day of work. Its not as if work is really easy for me.. cause no matter what, much of your energy will be used up during a major part of your day. And whats left is not enough to take you through even a couple of readings or notes taking.. Haizz... Time for a change of strategy..

Word for the day: Insitu
Got that from the side of Rosz's grandma hospital bed. I dont know what it means...yet. But I just like the way it sounds. It kinda fits into everything that i want it to. Like "Dont be such an insitu can?" or "Im just going to insitu for a bit." or "Insitu you!" or "Lets insitu with the rest first..". Put it in any part of a sentence and it still sounds kinda right.. no? Yah.. Yah.. Corny me. I know..

Ok enough.

I went for a wake just now.. My first Chinese wake. At Singapore Casket. Its the first time i see a corpse in a coffin.. and I have to say, in death, someone can look so peaceful that she looks like she's just sleeping.. And the best thing.. Ive never seen a 60 yr old with such a good complexion before, ever.. and without enbalming, to add.

Last saturday, I went for my first chinese wedding at Marina Mandarin. That of SG and CT. That gave me the opportunity to see a side of my lecturer that ive never seen before.. Sweet, romantic, caring and loving.. Now.. Excuse me while i go grab my puke-bucket.. *uwekk*

That brings me to the next topic that I want to blog about. That of my lil tete-e-tete with GNF. I will not elaborate but i find that the idea of being with someone just to represent the space beside the person is really funny.. And staying on cause there's no reason to leave. When actually what you should have is a reason for you to stay. And having no reason to leave is NOT a reason for you to stay..

Hmm.. am i talkin sense here? Im sure you get the idea..

Anyway, check out the new video on the blog, Beyonce's Check On It. Kinda groovy aint it? I think i should lay off the studying for a bit and go get some dose of partying some time soon.. OT is really getting to my head man.. Aaarrghh!! Anybody has stress pills to spare?

Max Brenner's chocolate fondue~!!! 

The girls at Max Brenner... 

Caught in the act. The chocolate was too nice not to be finger-licked.. Cant help it la.. 

Tuty, me and azza... 

A close up of Zul, Tuty, me and Dean..

Hmm.. lampost or pole? Go figure... 

Whaddya noe.. All three of us are smiling so widely here.. 

Valentine 2006. Wif the SIM peeps... 

*hearts* 

My once in a lifetime chance to be onboard an aircraft carrier... 

There was supposed to be only me in this pic but just before CS snapped, these guys came up and say that they should be included as well.. Sibok ajer... 

The wind was really strong but that didnt stop us from taking a pic at the back of one of the planes.. ;) 

The kind commander who took us on the tour..  

This is what they call "Respecting the Colors" ceremony. Observed just before sunset before the sailors rest.. something like that.. 

I only know that this is called F-18...  

The aircrafts nicely parked on the flight deck where the runway is.. I, for one, have never seen so much jets before.. And walking amidst all of them was a truly magnificient experience. If only i remember what are the names of each type.. 

The signature behind us is that of the late Mr Ronald Reagan himself.. 

Group pic of the day 

Me and CS at the Marine Ball - Nov 18, 2005 

Well.. V-day just passed and it was well-spent with people like Tuty, Faizal, Azhar, Zul, Dean and Rosz (plus frens) and of course, not forgetting Miss Azza. It was just an appropriate day for chocolate fondue, flowers and 'mon-cherie's, chilling in front of esplanande talking about dates.. Like i said, one of my biggest achievement so far would be having friends like you guys.. *hearts*

Experiencing V-Day when you're working as opposed to schooling is totally different. Way back in poly, I remembered getting secret notes and flowers stuck on my locker and there will ALWAYS be a V-Day bazaar going on at the forum and u will hear love songs and couples going around with flowers and candies and wat nots.. You can literally feel the love in the air, i tell you.. Even the lecturers will be in onto it..

Then come SIM, no V-day bazaar and secret cards or flowers stuck on locker. But then, there was a boyfren to spend my V-day with. No quarrels, arguments or bickerings but just absorbing the spirit of love all around. Dinner, gifts, cards and flowers.. you noe, the usual thing that couple does.. celebrate their love for each other lah konon tu.. But lets not forget that you can also do the same thing on any other day. Its just that Valentine is a day when the whole world acknowledge that its a day for love.. Besides, seeing so much flowers is a pretty sight, no?

Now that Im working, I can feel that the V-day spirit is mellowing down a bit.. No big hoo-hah celebration anymore for me. For the past two years, Valentine was a day spent celebrating it with frens. Last year was with the Ngee Ann peeps (selling flowers at TP, dinner with Ros & Dahlia) and this year, with the SIM peeps (choc fondue, Esplanade). These are friends that I would count as 'keepers' and Im so glad that even for at least once in my life, they were with me on Valentine. Hahaha.. ni part kira touching ah....

So you see, V-Day for me has come to mean much more than just love for ur partner. Its also love for ur frens. Especially when you dont have your sweetheart to celebrate it with..

Happy Valentines Day everyone..

Or in the words of MD, "Happy Sweethearts Day..." :)

chk out my snake charming abilities... heheh 

Hissssssssssssssssssss............. 

Had a talk with my bestie just now... Just me and her... Heart-to-heart.. Woman-to-woman.. And i feel better already..

So anyway, i realize that some things are just better left as it is. All things happen for a reason and it is entirely up to us on how we want to see it.. She said to be rational. Thats one way on how to be less emotional. Rationalization... and one person came to mind... Who else but my dear old fren, Max Weber. Lama tak dengar nama dia kan... hehe ;)

But just rationalization is not something that makes us as we are. Emotions and how we deal with them in different situations also make up our individuality. That is what makes us special and different from others. Perceptions, principles, people-to-people relationship... But whatever it is, we should never disregard others' versions of it.

It seems sincere enough so i should just let it go.. I wouldnt say that theres absolutely nothin to it and what i felt will always remains.. In time, everything will fall into place. We'll see..

I shall end today's post with this...

Situations especially make you experienced in having two particular powers- like power to tolerate- to have detachment and become a conqueror of attachment- and it also teaches you the lesson of having the power to face, so that you learn something for the future.
So the situation has only come to teach you these two lessons: the power to tolerate and the power to face.

In short, for all that happens, something good can come out of it... U can always make the most out of any situation.

Yesterday was really a terrible day for me and im so glad that its over...

Everything was just wrong.. I was pms-ing horribly and ive got a gazillion kind of emotions running thru me.. Its that time of the month when i couldnt help but feel an all-time more emotional than i normally would be. Even the littlest of things would make me cry...

Fazilah said that im in an 'anti-guy' mode. Do u noe that PMS have existed even back in the caveman era? Long time ago, when cavewomen have their Big P, what they do is that they will stay in their caves and separate themselves from men as sex is not possible. It is all a hormonal thing. Naturally, when women have their Big P, the hormones in the body will give out some kind of anti-guy signals. So you will find that during this time, u become sort of irritated by presence of guys and their antics. So its more likely that they became the centre target of your mood swings if they are not careful. On the other hand, we are tolerant of girls, and this is the whole female-bonding thing as only girls can understand the situation. So its better to stick around with your girlfriends when you are in this 'anti-guy' mode.

And how true is that. I was so glad to see her yesterday.. Even hugged her tight and cried lah at the sight of her. Like i said, I was super-emotional. Littlest of things made me cry. On top of that, my mind was going in a thousand different directions.. about everything. It really doesnt help that I saw my old friend N. Though its been such a long time and i miss hanging out with him and A, he somehow made it worse. By going out with his scandal of 3 days. Without the knowledge of his gf, of course. And that became another direction that my thoughts went. You know, the whole "is-it-really-that-hard-for-guys-to-be-faithful" thingy.

I noe, I noe. I shouldnt judge all guys in that way. But like i said, super-emotional and anti-guy mode so this kind of thoughts cant be helped at that point. Whats more with my experiences with my prev BFs. They was never a time that any of my BFs have never lied to me. They would have at least once hide something from me. You know, i understand and i dont mind as long as its for the good of the relationship and does not involve other girls. Thats something that i will find it hard to accept. And its alright if the truth-hiding is like once in an important while. Thats something i can take but NOT when you do it all the time.. That would have made you a liar. And nobody likes a liar, what more to be with one.

The worst part of the day came at night when i found out some things that im not supposed to know from MD. And its related to a fren of mine.. I was so shocked. I will not elaborate but i will always remember. Nothing wrong? Trust? I dont know... All I know is that it hurts. Inside. Although its not really the tear-and-ripped-your-heart-apart kind of betrayal pain.. Its more of like, pain-that-you-cant-forget kind...

It is times like these that all you want is your mommy...

Its not boring. I just dont see it getting the attention its supposed to. I know that all this could come to my own good but im just scared that things might get a lil bit too rough for me to take...

A hindrance? Something pulling you back? Never the agenda..

For happiness? Love? Just knowing but no feeling? How?

Times like these are the kind that can easily make your mind run in a thousand different directions. Here, there, everywhere... Future, present, past... Me, you, us...

I hate feeling this way. I dont want to but i cant help it...

Isnt it sad when theres so much pain in ur heart and the one person you want to talk to to keep you from crying is the exact person that made you cry. What do u do?

Shouldnt u NOT cry over someone who will not cry over you....